eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
