just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
