I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
