i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So. Much. Porn.
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