i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
