i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
