For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my shit smells like andre
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Be still, my beating vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
