I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
