There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
