you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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