I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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