He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
