guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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