What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
