Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
