She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
did i walk over a car last night?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
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