Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize