I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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