We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
