Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My liver just had a heart attack.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
