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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
