the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
where are my eyebrows?
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