Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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