I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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