It's Friday. Sex?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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