It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
