I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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