so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
