Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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