NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
