you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
