Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
