While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
