My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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