If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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