i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
