Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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