Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
