I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
