i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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