I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
