and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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