im drinking this country out of the recession.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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