real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
