Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
