mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just high enough for therapy.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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