I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize