I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
