you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
