you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
