Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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