By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
