I cannot find my penis.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
