Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
