sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
