we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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