Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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