I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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