so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You dont lie about slip and slides
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
