I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
